NARRATORS: Take a team o’ gymnasts and you
put them in the forest - get them climbing the
trees; Come back in a few thousand years, and
you got yourself a lovely tribe of monkeys.
If all this inbred physical selectivity breeds out
metaphysical capacity, then what the hell and
who exactly are we?
Now that they’ve mapped out all the
ACTGs and they’re verifyin’ Darwin’s
theories; they can show you every origin
of every single biological discrepancy.
If all of this inbred physical selectivity
breeds out metaphysical capacity, the future’s lookin’ pretty bleak for you and me.

[NARRATOR 1 explains ‘Evolution’ vs ‘Devolution’ with the aid of a chalkboard.]

NARRATOR1: The great ape has got a
killer jaw, and all of the muscles needed
to operate it force the scull to close in
early in development, in other words, by
gaining the physical advantage of a
skookum mashing apparatus, the ape lost
the mental capacity for more significant
and abstract thought.
NARRATORS: Which way does it go?

[We fly low again over the wreckage - a town unwound and overrun by animals. Our HERO stands alone, virtually unhurt.]

HERO: All around, ludicrousy is
imminent... but nothing could be less
exigent than the way I feel....
NARRATORS: Now that they’ve mapped
out all the ACTGs and they’re verifyin’
Darwin’s theories; They can show you
every origin of every single biological
discrepancy. If all of this inbred physical
selectivity breeds out metaphysical capacity,
the future’s lookin’ pretty bleak for you and me.
ALL: It’s just my conclusion:
Appalachian Evolution (repeat)

[The ensemble joins for a final Yokel reprise.]

YOKEL WOMEN: And for the sailor who is stuck
far at sea, as undeserved as may be the storm
At least it keeps you on your game, more than
you were before,
ADD HERO: I can spend about an hour!
And for the traveller of the great desert sands:
As introverted as may be the stream, at least it
keeps you lookin’ out, as well as in somehow.
I can take another day!
YOKEL MEN: Yokel! At heart we’re kind and
decent folk-el, we’ll be the whites to your
yolk-el (repeat underneath)
ADD YOKEL WOMEN: And for the sailor who is
stuck far at sea, as undeserved as may be the
storm, at least it keeps you on your game, more
than you were before.
ADD ALL: I can spend about an hour!
And for the traveller of the great desert sands:
As introverted as may be the stream, at least it
keeps you lookin’ out, as well as in somehow.
I can take another day!

[The ensemble exits. we are left with our HERO.]

HERO: Here I go, thinking these thoughts again.

[THE END]