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SCENE 1: “Here I Go”


NARRATOR: We begin our tale by the seaside.....

[A wave crashes against the shores of a quaint seaside town, a tad tarnished by recent erratic weather events & sea-level rise. Our Hero enters, flower bouquet in hand, mustering his courage.]

HERO: Here I go thinking these thoughts again. I can’t be sure if I am reading this right at all -
The torment I put myself through thinking of you can’t be good for the stability of my mind.

All the while, ludicrousy is imminent - Nothing could be less innocent than the way I feel.

Weeks and days, morning night and noon, and hours and years, evenings also I’d assume.
Every chance to make things right I have let go. All my days ought be compressed into just a few.

Well I think you’d better weep and moan: Can this whole life be nothing but teary-eyed complications that don’t appear to exist at all, ‘least not outside of my fucked-up brain, flooding again - a face like rain - I see myself in every drop, and every last expression stains.

[Without warning, a violent storm rises, the seas swell and the water engulfs everything.]

HERO & CHORUS: All the sudden the catastrophe is over and she’s nowhere to be found. With the backdrop of a tersely swaying ocean, I can barely distinguish a sound. Though I know that there must be some people screaming or some evidence of death, everything I see is curiously empty: the shambles of my life are dripping wet.

[He begins to walk among the ruins.]

Well I guess I’d better set out on the road then (in what’s left of my car);
With gas at a thousand bucks a litre, don’t think I’ll make it very far.
Gotta hope that I can find a sanctuary, somewhere away from the rising sea - Everyday my neighbourhood is gettin’ smaller - no insurance for this kinda loss-o-property:

[We flash to the local Insurance Office, a few days earlier.]

SECRETARY: Sandy! Your 4:15 is here.
SANDY: Oh hi! Come on in –
and why don’t you take a seat!
HERO: I’ve got some property I’d like
to insure, because the ocean is
swallowing up my street.
SANDY: Sorry sir: We don’t provide
that kind of coverage anymore.
HERO: Wait a minute: I thought disaster
insurance was pretty common...
SANDY: Yes, but since we’ve
acknowledged that Climate
Change is real (and human-caused)
The disaster you speak of is
technically your fault
– and no longer qualifies.
HERO: That sounds a little bit dubious to me –
What did I do? What about those
who already have a policy?
SANDY: I’m afraid, like you, that they’re
gonna just… have to get by.
HERO: So, while we drown you’ll be leavin’ us
high and dry – What are we to do?
SANDY: I don’t know, sir – I suggest you be
creative: Build a sand-bag wall, take
your own initiative—
HERO: Fuck that! How can you—
SANDY: Sir! I’ve had it with your tone,
Now why don’t you go before I have
security take you away......

[We flash back to our HERO, still standing motionless in the remains of his house.]

HERO: Sweet the note, ’sgot me all curlin’ up. And then I wait – and forever I’d assume
Wondrous past, opening as I look ahead: Nothing said might be the scariest of them all. But you see just every now and then, and it’s exactly how the Universe fucks with me, Putting me where I want to be, only without a plan.

[He gets into what’s left of his car, and drives away.....]


from Squinter's Paradise, released May 21, 2021


all rights reserved



Two Apple Tobacco Vancouver, British Columbia

Based in Vancouver, BC, Two Apple Tobacco has been called “a bright beacon of weirdness” (Snipe News) and “a wonderfully creative band” (Evolution Radio) who put on an “explosive show” (Sloan's Bones) that “pushed me as far as I could go” (Discorder Magazine). Two Apple Tobacco was named one of Vancouver's 'Top 25 Bands' by Vanmusic and has twice made the Georgia Straight’s 'Best of Vancouver'. ... more

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