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Rough Riders

from Squinter's Paradise by Two Apple Tobacco

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about

SCENE 5: “Rough Riders”

lyrics

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, over the horizon, the
Rough Riders are meeting in their
Corporate Tower of Doom.....

[We zoom to a palatial fortress hidden in the hills.]

ROUGH RIDERS: It’s clear that now, to keep
ahead in the Cosmic Race, we’re going to
have to outright kill our consumer base.
CEO: All our lawns will still be bright n’green.
And hey, we’ll have more money then
we’ve ever seen!
LAWYERS: By implementing a program of
demand destruction we can progressively
demonstrate that a greater percentage of
total humans are buying our product. Despite
operational downsizing to accommodate
dwindling markets with the help of inflation
we continue to manifest short-term profits
while forecasting relative growth.
ROUGH RIDERS: It’s clear that now, to
keep ahead in the cosmic race, we’re
going to have to outright kill our
consumer base.
SCIENTIST: Mwahaha! I’ve invented some
new diseases!
5-STAR GENERAL: Attach the machine
guns to the helicopters! We’ll have some
fun and head for Squinter’s Paradise!
CEO: All our lawns’ll still be bright
n’green, and we’ll have more
money then we’ve ever seen!

[The CEO takes a nefarious cackle-solo.]

STRATEGISTS: The insurance thing is
working out great: people are starting to
flee the seaside. We’re opening up new
markets in the dead lands, Sending our
five-ton convoys to the desert sands.
ROUGH RIDERS: By the time the last
Yokel town is gone, we’ll be prepped
to be galactically moving on.

[The ROUGH RIDERS build an extravagant out-chorus as they prep their guns.]

ROUGH RIDER1: And all of our lawns
will still be bright and green!
ROUGH RIDER2: And we’ll have more
money then we’ve ever seen! (repeat)

[One by one, the corporate helicopters take off toward Squinter’s Paradise.]

credits

from Squinter's Paradise, released May 21, 2021

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Two Apple Tobacco Vancouver, British Columbia

Based in Vancouver, BC, Two Apple Tobacco has been called “a bright beacon of weirdness” (Snipe News) and “a wonderfully creative band” (Evolution Radio) who put on an “explosive show” (Sloan's Bones) that “pushed me as far as I could go” (Discorder Magazine). Two Apple Tobacco was named one of Vancouver's 'Top 25 Bands' by Vanmusic and has twice made the Georgia Straight’s 'Best of Vancouver'. ... more

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